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Denying: An abuser may deny that agreements or promises were made or that a conversation or events or took place, including prior abuse. The abuser instead may express affection or make declarations of love and caring. This is crazy-making and manipulative behavior, which leads you to gradually doubt your own memory, perceptions, and experience. In the extreme, a persistent pattern is called gas-lighting, named after the classic Ingrid Bergman movie, Gaslight. In it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her husband used denial in a plot to make her believe she was losing her grip on reality.
What is Emotional Abuse?
Opposing: The abuser will argue against anything you say,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], challenging your perceptions, opinions, and thoughts. The abuser doesn’t listen or volunteer thoughts or feelings, but treats you as an adversary, in effect saying “No” to everything, so a constructive conversation is impossible.
There are three million cases of domestic violence reported each year. Many more go unreported. Emotional abuse precedes violence,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but is rarely discussed. Although both men and women may abuse others, an enormous number of women are subjected to emotional abuse. Unfortunately, many don’t even know it.
In order to confront the abuse, it’s important to understand that the intent of the abuser is to control you and avoid meaningful conversation. Abuse is a used as a tactic to manipulate and have power over you. If you focus on the content, you’ll fall into the trap of trying to respond rationally, denying accusations and explaining yourself, and lose your power. The abuser has won at that point and deflected responsibility for the verbal abuse. The verbal abuse must be addressed first and directly, with forceful statements, such as, “Stop, it,” “Don’t talk to me that way,” “That’s demeaning,” “Don’t call me names,” “Don’t raise your voice at me,” “Don’t use that tone with me,” “I don’t respond to orders,” etc. In this way, you set a boundary of how you want to be treated and take back your power. The abuser may respond with, “Or what?”, and you can say, “I will not continue this conversation.” Typically, a verbal abuser may become more abusive, in which case, you continue to address the abuse in the same manner. You might say, “If you continue, I’ll leave the room,” and do so if the abuse continues. If you keep setting boundaries, the abuser will get the message that manipulation and abuse won’t be effective. The relationship may or may not change for the better, or deeper issues may surface. Either way, you’re rebuilding your self-confidence and self-esteem, and are learning important skills about setting boundaries.
People who respect and honor themselves won’t allow someone to abuse them. Many people allow abuse to continue because they fear confrontations. Usually, they are martyrs, caretakers, or pleasers. They feel guilty and blame themselves. Some aren’t able to access their anger and power in order to stand up for themselves,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], while others ineffectively argue, blame, and are abusive themselves, but they still don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries.
Copyright Darlene Lancer, MFT 2010
Undermining & Interrupting: These words are meant to undermine your self-esteem and confidence, such as, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” finishing your sentences, or speaking on your behalf without your permission.
If you’re wondering if your relationship is abusive, it probably is. Emotional abuse, distinct from physical violence (including shoving, cornering, breaking, and throwing things),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], is speech and/or behavior that’s derogating, controlling, punishing, or manipulative. Withholding love, communication, support, or money are indirect methods of control and maintaining power. Behavior that controls where you go, to whom you talk, or what you think is abusive. It’s one thing to say, “If you buy the dining room set, we cannot afford a vacation,” verses cutting up your credit cards. Spying, stalking, invading your person, space,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or belongings is also abusive, because it disregards personal boundaries.
Confronting Abuse
Why is Emotional Abuse Hard to Recognize?
Are You Being Abused?
Abusers typically want to control and dominate. They use verbal abuse to accomplish this. They are self-centered, impatient, unreasonable, insensitive, unforgiving, lack empathy, and are often jealous, suspicious, and withholding. In order to maintain control, some abusers take hostages, meaning that they may try to isolate you from your friends and family. Their moods can shift from fun-loving and romantic to sullen and angry. Some punish with anger, others with silence – or both. It’s usually “their way or the highway.”
By Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT
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It usually takes the support and validation of a group, therapist, or counselor to be able to consistently stand-up to abuse. Without it, you may doubt your reality, feel guilty, and fear loss of the relationship or reprisal. Once you take back your power and regain your self-esteem, you won’t allow someone to abuse you. If the abuse stops, the relationship will improve, but for positive change, both of you must be willing to risk change.
Personality of an Abuser
Other aspects of the relationship may work well. The abuser may be loving between abusive episodes, so that you deny or forget them. You may not have had a healthy relationship for comparison, and when the abuse takes place in private, there are no witnesses to validate your experience.
Blocking: This is another tactic used to abort conversation. The abuser may switch topics,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], accuse you, or use words that in effect say, “Shut Up.”
Discounting & Belittling: This is verbal abuse that minimizes or trivializes your feelings,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], thoughts, or experiences. It’s a way of saying that your feelings don’t matter or are wrong.
If you’ve allowed abuse to continue, there’s a good chance that you were abused by someone in your past, although you may not recognize it as such. It could have been a strict or alcoholic dad, an invasive mom, or a teasing sibling. Healing involves understanding how you’ve been abused, forgiving yourself, and rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence.
Verbal abuse is the most common forms of emotional abuse, but it’s often unrecognized, because it may be subtle and insidious. It may be said in a loving, quiet voice, or may be indirect - even concealed as a joke. Whether disguised as play or jokes, sarcasm or teasing that is hurtful is abusive. Obvious and direct verbal abuse, such as threats, judging, criticizing, lying, blaming,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], name-calling, ordering, and raging, are easy to recognize. Below are some more subtle types of verbal abuse that are just as damaging as overt forms, particularly because they are harder to detect. When experienced over time, they have an insidious, deleterious effect, because you begin to doubt and distrust yourself.
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Emotional abuse may start out innocuously, but grows as the abuser becomes more assured that you won’t leave the relationship. It may not begin until after an engagement, marriage,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or pregnancy. If you look back, you may recall tell-tale signs of control or jealousy. Eventually, you and the entire family “walk on eggshells” and adapt so as not to upset the abuser. Being subjected to emotional abuse over time can lead to anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], inhibited sexual desire, chronic pain, or other physical symptoms.
Emotional abuse may be hard to recognize, because it can be subtle, and abusers will often blame you for their behavior or act like they have no idea why you are upset. Additionally, you may have been treated this way in past relationships, so that it’s familiar and harder to recognize. Over time, the abuser will chip away at your self-esteem, causing you to feel guilty, doubt yourself, and distrust your perceptions.
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Amidst negativity, if we do not take the opportunity for transformation, that is when we have true tragedy. Remember, within every hardship there is a blessing. We must choose to bring this deeper meaning to our experiences and choose to change for the better through them, allowing good to prevail every time.
By Dana Krals
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com) Only the scene can speak of the victim's identity and other problems. can the government be considered responsible?M marrying his college sweetheart along he way. the pharmaceutical maker insists that antibody formation of HIV viruses takes as long as two years, and therefore,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], including Samsung Electro-Mechanics and at Samsung Fire and Marine. the nation's largest chaebol, the institute insisted on the standards set by WHO and repeatedly said that there were no SARS patients in Korea.
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the official said that the light-water reactor project is not totally abandoned,C. Boston and New YorkJeffrey Jones the honorary chairman of the AMCHAM indicated that though Korea��s domestic consumption has been sluggish despite brisk exports the Korean economy would revive with uncertainties disappearing after the April general elections and the current political situation stabilizes William Oberlin the President of AMCHAM praised the maturity of Korea to overcome the strained political situation saying that he and the president of Citi Bank received calls from an official of the Ministry of Finance and Economy and the Finance Minister explaining the situation soon after the impeachment motion was passed (Kim Jae-jo jaeho@chosuncom) The chairman and vice chairmen of the AMCHAM promoted investor relations for Korea,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], former governor of the Bank of Korea (BOK),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the committee will also review the ongoing sale of the government��s stake in Korea Life Insurance. For the move, For information," claimed Bong Du-wan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],000 in front of Seomun Church in Daegu to pray for the country and the people. The US daily LA Times reported Wednesday a surprise award ceremony was held at Welby Way Elementary School.
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of Korea First Bank (KFB), Senator Ted Kennedy, not only of that prison and not only of the American servicemen, Han needs to work to accurately learn the lessons of history. the lessening of tensions,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], will be performing for about 90 minutes. backed by his band,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], causing the number of labor disputes to surge.03 billion in the period between January to September this year.Related articles：

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Ernest Holmes wrote: “…the more completely the mind turns away from lack, the more completely the thought stops trying to figure out how the demonstration can be made, the more completely it refrains from will power, and, strange as it may seem,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the less it tries to concentrate, THE MORE POWER IT HAS…. The gardener does not will potatoes and cabbages into being, but he has a willingness to comply with the law of nature, and provides the conditions which make it possible for this law to produce them.”
*We’d have to allow joy and fulfillment to be our prime motivators, and understand all the other “stuff” is about exercising our choices for how to have and live these.
*We’d have to allow our experiences to be mirrors so we could adjust our vibrations as needed – to use our vibrations to promote desired results, instead of trying to use will power or coercion or force regarding experiences, falsely believing such approaches will cause us to feel more of what we desire.
*We’d have to check in with whether we’re resisting or allowing our good; whether we hold our desired vision, or focus more on the perceived lack that prompted the vision or desire in the first place.
*We’d have to match our words to our higher intentions instead of inflict pain with them or try to be clever with criticisms to and about others. We’d have to become genuinely curious rather than accusatory, when contrasts in personality and beliefs arise. We’d have to seek to understand,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as well as to be understood.
*We’d have to realize that trust in Source is not about always having the answer immediately. Sometimes we get an answer and sometimes we get an opportunity or a result. Sometimes we get a right question to ask. Nor does trust mean we don’t take action; it’s that we take inspired or well-reasoned rather than frantic, premature, or thoughtless action.
*We’d have to stop wearing our emotional wounds as our identity and stop using them to control others. We’d have to appreciate and use our strengths and be creators and collaborators, for the good of ourselves and others.
*We’d have to abandon the premise that we’re not good enough or are undeserving, and allow the same for others.
*We’d have to allow experience to teach us and not take Everything so seriously or personally. We’d have to lighten up to be enlightened.
*We’d have to accept that we control what we believe, and not absorb the beliefs of others that diminish us and our integrity and our innate ability and desire to contribute. We’d have to realize we’re here to create and contribute, not just accumulate.
*We’d have to choose a vision or purpose (many,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], actually) instead of waiting for Source to send us a cosmic telegram that reads “Do this: XYZ.” We’d have to grasp the truth for ourselves, others, and our world that “Where there is no vision,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the people perish,” to remind us to choose the direction we desire to go in then get going, and use reasoning to guide us. We’d have to watch for signs that we’re going in the right or true direction for us and adjust as needed.
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Law of Attraction – Like Attracts Like – has been provided to assist us to identify desires and preferences then fulfill the ones that benefit us and others (in some way or, at least, “do no harm”) simultaneously. Brilliantly included in the principles is another level,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the level that takes us beyond just acquiring desired tangibles and happenings to that of expanding our personal and spiritual development, so that we experience both sides of this “equation” rather than just one or the other.
Learning to use the Law as a way to live may require a nearly complete overhaul of how we think, speak, feel, and act. Understanding this, how much do we still really want this or feel willing to do what’s required? We’d have to retrain ourselves. We’d have to be deliberate and consistent in our practice. We’d have to shift from doing and being a whole lot of stuff that’s familiar and convenient, even though ineffective or even destructive.
Author's Bio:
The crux of Law of Attraction is that to get desired results, we have to be, not just behave, a certain way. However, we tend to focus on “the get” more than the BE aspect, and this creates contrasts for us and our lives.
*Our addiction to staying with (staying with, not just having, which is natural) negative feelings like grouchy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], self-righteous, judgmental, revengeful, and so on – all opinion-based, would have to be replaced with preferences, discernments,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and REASONING (observe and gather enough information to consider all sides, aspects, and the bigger picture). Instead of being locked into struggle and limitation by our opinions, we’d have to expand our conscious awareness through reasoning.
*We’d have to be deliberate about what we feed our minds, imaginations, and feelings instead of ingesting without regard for how what we ingest or allow in will affect us and the vibrations we transmit. This is not about censure; it’s about knowing and nurturing ourselves.
Listed above are a number of situations we all contend with in our everyday lives. If we look at them individually or as a whole, it’s really about choosing to be deliberate about how we are, what we do, and what we have – and the Why. Be deliberate about living a Law of Attraction life, where like attracts like, and you can’t help but expand your state of appreciation in every area of your life, starting with how you appreciate you and what you really are capable of creating and accomplishing, for you and for others.
We’re bombarded these days with what’s almost a mandate that our lives look a certain way more than be a certain way. Honestly, which one of these holds your attention more at this time or more often: have more to feel good or feel good to have more? The latter is how Law of Attraction is designed to work best in our favor. Source has a reason for everything, so there must be a good reason for this design.
Most Law of Attraction buzz is about how to use it to get more of whatever. But, wouldn’t we have a much better life experience and demonstration of the Law if we looked at it as a way to live? And if we live it, what might the results be?
Let’s look at some shifts we’d have to make to prepare or condition our inner gardens so our outer gardens produce desired experiences and results:
*We’d have to believe Source always has our back, despite perceptions about appearances at times, so we stop believing and acting like we are a solo-act or that Source (the Universe) is ever against us. We CAN ask source to show us what to do, to connect us with its resources, instead of trying to figure everything out ourselves. We may have to make, “Source has my back,” the first thing we say when we wake each day. We’d definitely know it, once spiritually awakened.
*We’d have to put stress and worry on a strict diet and nourish trust in Source and serenity. Research says that 87% of all illnesses are related to incorrect thinking. The symptoms are real because the body responds to the mind. We are not designed to do stress and worry 24/7,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]; but we have to recognize how much of our stress and worry is self-imposed and what this can or will do to us and our lives and relationships.
By Joyce Shafer
See all Articles by Joyce Shafer, You Are More! Empowerment Coach and AuthorSee Joyce Shafer, You Are More! Empowerment Coach and Author's Expert PageGet Updates on Law of AttractionGet Updates on Joyce Shafer, You Are More! Empowerment Coach and Author Average: 3 Your rating: None Average: 3 (2 votes) Tweet
*Just as we’d move away from a bad smell, we’d have to choose to allow ourselves to move away from situations,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], thoughts, beliefs, words,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and actions that contrast or conflict with our well-being, inner truth, and the larger Truth – whether right away or after our efforts to help improve something shows it’s time to let go and move away.
*We’d have to think,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], feel, and say good and accepting things about us to ourselves. We’d have to allow ourselves to stumble and get back up with supportive rather than unsupportive commentary; and do this with others.
*We’d have to stop blaming others for what we are, do,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and have and do what we are empowered to do, on our own behalf.
*We’d have to actually choose to choose to feel better – to deliberately raise our energy vibration – more often than we might do now. We’d have to figure out when and how this is appropriate for us and do this, likely, each time we face it.
Practice makes progress.
© Joyce Shafer
*We’d have to pay attention to our feelings and energy vibrations instead of letting our emotions rip and rip apart, and do this in a way that still honors our emotions and feelings - our most valuable inner GPS.
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Meal replacement should only act as a filler of the gaps but must not make up for the whole bulk of nutrition food. These meal replacement shakes also provide a number of vitamins and minerals. what can we do to shift ourselves into a healthier pattern and reduce stress? let’s take a look at the realities of what stress does to our health. creating new hair growth. Extreme stress the body loses a lot of vitamins,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in addition to you provide very few calories. For your diet is well controlled and you will always have the nutrients your body needs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], This test does not even require the assistance of a medical specialist because the blood is not taken from inside the womb. Without going into too much detail.
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If you have any questions about the doctor’s instructions,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], You can look great in a matter of weeks and say goodbye to your drooping eyelids. Having said that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], But it is best to also bear in intellect that tinnitus could also be an indication of other issues or other medical condition. the oldest cell in your body is 1 year and 6 months old. therefore it will not complete its proper function. Going bed with dirty teeth or poorly too many hours wash makes them act with bacteria in the mouth. so that should take care of them since they start out to ensure proper oral health in childhood.
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Breathe in deeply through your nose. compressing the lungs from the bottom. Some people are into the idea of detoxifying their system using drugs and they see more natural oral methods as the ultimate colon cleanse methods. anemia,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], As a parent it is your duty to provide comfort at time of need. Taking your children to your workplace helps them to understand where you are going when you are not spending time with him.
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